It was a cool and breezy night.I was going home after my tuition, it was about 10.00 p.m. the sky soon turned pinch dark.When I walked along the path, I heard the sound of an owl "Hoot,
Hoot ."I scanned around .A huge shadow loomed over me.
When I twisted my body,there're nothing there expect a rat looking right in my eye.I continued to walk.Recalling that, there's a short cut.I walked to the dark alley which soon will lead me to
my house.When I arrived at the dark alley, a weird smell entered my nose.
After a few minutes,there's a rustling sound coming from the bushes.I quickened my foot steps.
From the corner of my eyes, I saw a man with a black beanie advancing on me.I dash madly
and screamed so loudly that the black crow on the top of the roof flew off in a hurry.
The man with a black beanie seemed to catch up.Not long after, he caught up with me, he slapped me with a water towel ,soon, I fainted.
"Oo..hh.h...where...am i ?"I asked as I try to figure out the image of the rusty room.Dust covered
every inch of the room.Spider webs are spinned on the rocking chair.Suddenly, the door flung
opened "BANG!" I had a rude shock.
"Oh poor girl...are you hungry?"the man said as he and a plump man walked nearer to me and waved a delicious looking hamburger at me.""Your father better give us 'Ten Thousand Dollars'
or you will be dead !" he said as he threw a bottle of empty beer beside me.I froze in fear.Both men walked out of the room and said "Don't go any where ,okay?We are just out to buy some
beers to celebrate,ha!"
I scanned around the room trying to find a sharp object.Having found the glass from the bottle of
beer they threw.I hopped to the glass shards with the rusty rope tied to the chair.I picked up the glass shards and cut the rope."Yes! It works!" I beamed as I leapt up.
I opened the rusty door opener and search if there's any sign of the two hooligans.Seeing that there's no signof them ,I ran as fast as my legs would carry me.Upon seeing the telephone booth
,I sloted in my card and punched in the numbers.
The ringing tone was music to my ears."Oh Mum, can you come and fetch me, I'm at 'Street 21'
,come quick!" I said as I stepping my feet hard on the ground.
"Why did you come home so late?"Mum said weirdy."Long Story."I replied.
Soon, the kidnappers were caught and were put behind bars.We all heaved a sigh of relief and
felt relieved after the news appeared on 'Television'.
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1 comment:
Dear Gladwin,
Great try at creating suspense. Good!
You can also take note of the following:
- After seeing the rat, wouldn't you laugh at yourself?
- How did you know that the man was up to no good? Maybe you can describe the appearance of the man to us, so we know why you ran.
- The part about him slapping you with a towel is not appropriate. Where did he place the towel? What did you feel before you fainted? etc.
-Why did the men leave a beer bottle near you? To help you escape? In a story, we normally provide a reason for the actions of the men. eg Maybe they have been drinking and was holding the bottle before they took the last gulp. Thus they threw the bottle near you.
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